Valentine's day. For some people, it's arrival is more like a day of mourning than a holiday. Who are these people you may wonder? It's a contrasting mix of the bitter, anti-romanticist and the love and affection starved lonely hearts. I suppose I fall in the category of the latter. The purpose of holidays is to call attention to something important in our culture or the human experience: and yes, romantic connection SHOULD be important. But what if you just can't have that right now? It's at that point that the occasion of Valentine's Day ceases to be a day celebrating love, affection companionship and a sexy night on the town with your special someone and instead becomes a nagging and dismal reminder of what it is you don't have.
Having been single since....well for a very long time now, I have had more that a few experiences on how to handle this quandary known as Valentine's Day. Last year, I thought I'd try to create a plan to help myself get through that day. I scheduled a session with my favorite professional cuddler right around the holiday. That helped a great deal! Another idea of mine was to at least message 50 different women on a popular dating site. Nothing happened, but at least I get to say I tried. I thought about these two ideas this year. I scheduled my session with the professional cuddler further down the line after Valentine's day so that I still have it to look forward to. I thought about trying the 50 messages on a dating site idea again with less optimism. Even if I wanted to risk trying that idea, the reality is that my heart was occupied elsewhere. For the past few months I've been dedicating my time to a community building project (3 guesses which one) that's been a source of a lot of connection, creativity and support for myself and others. I could have taken some time away from that and spent it on uncertain results from a dating site, but what I did instead was lay back, watched the Wedding Singer, had a nice, delicious meal for myself and played a few of my favorite songs (some of them love and loss themed). No guessing games, no mixed results, just a few little things that I knew would make me happy.
Of course in my heart I know I still long for Romantic Love. ALMOST all of us do! But what if you can get some of those great things that we so often restrict to the confines of romantic relationships? Sure, you can;t substitute the whole thing, but maybe you can stop working at objectives and task and simply give yourself a nice time. Are there people in your life that you care about? They might not be the "love of your life", but why not spend some time to show them that they are special. You will both feel good! As for lack of companionship and loneliness, there are just so many different communities and groups out there with shared interest that you can become a part of. Reach out, invest some time! You might not find a life partner, but you probably can make some new friends, I know I have! And then finally physical affection, care and attention. The icing on the heart shaped cake! Do you know that there are people out there that are extremely good at this? Not only are they professionals, but they have a true, genuine connection to this kind of work. There is probably no better way to top off your time of selfcare than spending a moment with a professional cuddler. They can't be your significant other. They can't be your lover, they can't be your Tinder date. But they can be so much more. And there IS so much more to be explored and experience. They are a resource that is there to help you.
Yes, you could give up. Yes you could be bitter about it. But is that really good for you? Is that really what you want. Is that what your heart needs? Wouldn't you rather have something gentle and sweet to remember about this day, or any day? Wouldn't you rather feel warmth than cold? Wouldn't you rather feel love than hate? Wouldn't you prefer to be remembered than forgotten. Just remember why you are hurting. Remember all the things that are missing. Like puzzle pieces in a game, you can find them one by one if you look. We at Nurtured Nerds are here to help you look for and find those pieces that you need to keep going on your quest. I am GITA and this is my Valentine's Day survival story.
Fondly,
The Ghost In The Armor
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