1. What is platonic touch (cuddle) therapy?

There has been much evidence -- and much more still to come through future official and unofficial study -- found for the benefits of receiving safe physical human touch. It has been proven that regularly experiencing safe physical human touch and authentic interpersonal connection is a physiological need that improves our quality of life and overall well-being in every way -- physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually -- not just as infants but throughout our lives.

 

And this makes sense when you consider our evolutionary origins: the human race came to be within tribal social structures where group members were deeply, intimately connected and worked together. Individuals having these connections with others was -- and still is -- a source of survival and fulfillment. Our nervous systems evolved to thrive through a mutual give and take, feeding off of and being influenced by the energy flowing through and from each other’s bodies.

 

However, our society has become structured in such a way that these needs are not met for the vast majority of individuals, even when they have a consistently present social structure (family, friends, colleagues, etc.) Outside of the times in a person’s life where parents and caregivers offer nurturing touch to infants, cuddling -- and intimate physical touch in general -- has become entangled with sexuality. We have come to be taught to fear, avoid, be ashamed of, or deny these needs rather than embrace and fulfill them and find healing and fulfillment in doing so.

 

Because of this overall shift in human cultures at large, professionals are now stepping up to offer services to people in order to fill that gap in meeting vital self-care needs. These professionals create a container (safe space) in which clients can experience dedicated presence, attention, and affection in which to ask for and receive safe, nurturing, platonic physical touch and interpersonal connection: to be seen and heard and cared for.

 

For more information about this please do your own research and see our database of resources (coming soon), which will be continually updated with links and short descriptions for articles and scientific studies about the effects and importance of cuddle therapy and touch in general.

 

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2. I’ve never seen anything like this before, wtf is this?

I know, it’s pretty new, weird, and different, isn’t it?! If you are willing and able, please reserve judgment and keep exploring this site and the Internet at large to learn more about platonic touch (cuddle) therapy and its professional community. This project is pioneering and exploring how to extend and provide these services to gamer nerds more compassionately and effectively. It is through standing in that intention and working together that I believe we can make this a valuable resource for you over time. A good article to read is this: http://cuddlesanctuary.com/is-professional-cuddling-a-real-job/

 

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3. Why do you (The IRL Support Main) care so much about cuddling? Why are you called to this work? 

Cuddles are magical and necessary; they are a mysterious force and sacred act that gives us access to connection with the very essence of the universe and existence. They are a necessary regular practice — a medicine of sorts to soothe and treat the injury and harm caused by the chaos and violence of life — to keep us grounded and continually reorient us to the true meaning of life, which is safe, authentic, nurturing connection with others — to love and be loved. There’s nothing else like it.

 

Cuddling (and authentic connection) is both a super power (innate affinity) and a skill (built through practice). Our bodies, and our nervous systems in particular, were made to be in concert with each other. When we are isolated and disconnected — or worse when we are only experiencing harmful interaction and connection — our whole beings (mind, body, spirit) cannot function optimally and as intended. We literally hunger for one another, as is implied by the term “skin hunger.” This is a need which must be satiated for overall health to be attained and maintained.

 

But like so many things, individual touch needs are a spectrum of sorts. It’s about taking on the work of continual, mindful practice to find the particulars of the how and what and when and how much to meet your needs. But the need is there in every human being. Just like breathing or drinking water or eating or sleep. We are not supported in meeting these needs in human cultures at large in their current state. I find fulfillment through doing this work as doing my part to be a positive force in transforming what it means to be a human being and how humans relate to, interact with, and connect to each other.

 

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4. Why do practitioners charge so much? Isn’t ____ too much to ask for just some cuddles? 

I get it, the cost of visiting any therapeutic practitioner can be substantial. But the cost of offering that service can be, and almost always is, even greater than what you’re being charged. Any and all body work is almost always taken on by its practitioners as a labor of love. This, at least in terms of what I believe, is necessary for it to be of true benefit. When it is not taken on in this way, those practitioners tend to leave the field relatively quickly.

 

Since even before the pandemic, body work practitioners have put our bodies (and psyches) on the line to help others get their vital self-care needs met. That is even more true now, as we welcome other fellow potential disease vectors (read: human beings) into our own personal space when one of those potential diseases is also so potentially deadly. Professional cuddlers take on the responsibility of keeping ourselves and our clients as safe as possible while helping them get nurturing. And many of us, like me, haven’t even upped our rates in accordance with that because we don’t want to make this service that is so needed even harder to access by those who need it.

 

We help our clients take care of themselves by providing a safe space for them to do so and being a safe person with which to be vulnerable enough to do so, but we need to take care of ourselves, too. This work is not just physical labor and risk but emotional labor and risk, too. We don’t get to just phone it in or mentally check out when for others (read: amateurs, friends, family members, etc.) an experience would be too much; we have to be fully present with and attentive to our clients and have to be people who are very good at doing so through a combination of natural affinity and experience.

 

And there’s something else to consider here, too. While anyone can cuddle, not everyone can do so at a professional (as opposed to amateur) level; what we offer is a level of quality and dedication, another level of being *for* you, than what can generally be reasonably expected from another person in your everyday life. When you’re cuddling with an amateur, that cuddle will tend to be just as much for them as for you or else be them putting up with giving you what you’re needing even if it’s something they don’t really want or need. And while they (hopefully) have the incentive of caring enough about you to make the experience be something you want (please don’t cuddle with them otherwise and get yourself hurt), they don’t have the training to communicate excellently, hold strong boundaries, hold safe space physically and mentally for you even while having their own inner stuff going on, and guide you in creating an experience together that will fully nourish you.

 

Think of the difference between the experience of getting a massage from a loved one with no professional training and the experience of getting a massage from a professional massage therapist. They’re both (potentially) wonderful experiences, but the latter will likely ensure your needs are fully met whereas the former, no matter how much they care, can and will only do so much, often (if not always) stopping short of what’s truly needed to unlock the full potential for healing, relaxation, and any other potential benefits.

 

And it’s true that everyone’s level of need is different: many people simply won’t see the need to go this far in getting their needs for touch and connection met. I invite you to consider that you don’t know what you don’t know, that you can’t know what you’ve been missing until you experience it for yourself. Just as it can be a valuable and enlightening experience to try getting a professional massage, so can it be for getting a professional cuddle.

 

And if you find it’s not for you, it could be that you haven’t yet found the right practitioner or environment or other factor that you’re needing. I encourage you to not give up easily, to give it a real try and see what you get out of the experience. No matter the outcome, you will have learned something powerful about yourself and what you really want and need, which is a vital part of self care!

 

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5. Wouldn’t cuddles I pay a stranger for not be any good because we don’t know each other and they don’t care about me? 

If either of those is true, your practitioner isn’t doing their job. Period. Many practitioners have rigorous screening processes for this very reason. We want and need to get to know you, and to have you get to know us, to determine if we are a good fit to work together. I need to know that what I have to offer is what you’re wanting and needing, what you’re actually looking for. If I don’t see myself being able to provide a certain level of regard and connection with a potential client that they and I are needing, and if I am not a whole-hearted yes to offering what’s being asked for, I don’t take them on as a client.

 

While some practitioners do not have rigorous client screening processes, it’s still their job to connect with you as deeply as you are willing to within the level of connection they need in order to be fully present with you. We do this work because we are people with big hearts who are generous with and find joy in sharing our love freely — not in the monetary sense but in the sense that we aren’t holding anything back. Any practitioners who think they are this way but are not deep down, or who think that it doesn’t matter and that they can do this work and make money from it anyway, will be burned out quickly.

 

But either way, we are giving you our time, effort, full presence and attention, unconditional positive regard, and whole-hearted affection: the experience of receiving those things from us as a gift given freely (without holding back). And honestly, I see that as being one of the most valuable possible experiences of being alive. I see the purpose of life as being in full and authentic connection with others, to love and be loved.

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6. I’m ready to try getting some professional cuddles: what do I do now?

Start reaching out to practitioners and see if you are a good fit as their client and if they are a good fit as your practitioner! It can feel daunting, I know. I hope that you can take some comfort in knowing that this community is here to help and support you in navigating this and any other part of your journey for getting your needs met around safe, platonic touch and connection.

 

Every practitioner whose information is listed on this site knows about and supports this project and community, and they along with the practitioner platforms also listed here come highly recommended by the Nurtured Nerds Epic Quest Committee. Letting a practitioner know you found them through this website and sharing anything you’ve learned in this community can be a good place to start the conversation :)